Grace for My Failures

I laid in bed last night recounting several moments of less-than-impressive parenting.  “I wish I wasn’t so harsh with Molly and her busy hands and feet and her mind that never stops with ideas.”  “I wish I had made more eye contact with Ruby when she scooted over next to me on the couch last night.”  “Tomorrow I am going to try and remember to ask Mack if I can build something with him out of his legos.”

Truth is, I have this little conversation with myself too often while lying in bed.

I am a do-er, especially around my house.  The little chalkboard in my living room boasts of a quote from Ann VosKamp….“More important than a clean house is a CLOSE FAMILY.”

A-hem.

Of course I know that is true…and yet…it is hard for me to overlook stuff out of its place. It is a challenge to not have a project on my mind.  It could be as simple as cleaning out a drawer or as complicated as conquering my linen closet.

This morning as I opened my eyes and stretched, I asked God to please speak to me this morning and remind me that He will be to me what I am not able to be on my own!  That is what the Christian life is about.  Christ in me.

I am reading in Exodus and started the morning in Chapter 12, but not before reading “My Utmost for His Highest.”  Oswald Chambers was explaining that many of us are drawn to the idea of giving up something BIG.  We want to be sort of heroic.  And yet, “God is telling you of some tiny thing; but at the back of it there lies the central citadel of obstinancy:  I will not give up my right to myself–the thing God intends you to give up if ever you are going to be a disciple of Jesus Christ.”

My “tiny thing” consists of giving up how I want to spend my day versus how God wants me to spend my day.  He actually has an opinion about whether I sit and listen to Ruby or scroll through Facebook.  He knows what the best use of my time is: bake a cake with Molly or try to entice her with a movie so that I can actually be quiet somewhere else in the house.

And I am not saying a mama doesn’t need some time alone.  Of course she does!  But I tend to want to guard it with everything I have and when I start feeling suffocated, I freak instead of pray for God’s eyes to see my situation.

So this morning when I read Exodus 12, I was encouraged!  God was telling Moses and the rest of His people that now that they were freed from slavery, “This month shall be unto you the beginning of months; it shall be the first month of the year to you.”

Wow!  God restructured the Israelites whole calendar on this very important day of freedom.  Wow!

It was like God was saying to me, “Kristy, today can be a new beginning for you…a fresh start, like a new year!”

Here is what G. Campbell Morgan said about it:

GOD IS EVER THE GOD OF NEW BEGINNINGS IN THE HISTORY OF FAILURE…..

…All such new beginnings are founded on plenteous Redemption, conditioned in persistent Righteousness, and issue in perfect Realization.  God had redeemed His people from slavery.  The dawn of their new year was ever to be radiant with the glory of His bringing of them forth from cruel bondage.  God had brought them to Himself, that under His law they might realize the meaning of life, and fulfill its highest purposes.  God had admitted them to a fellowship with Himself, which meant for them , the supply of all need; and for Him, an instrument in the world for carrying out the program of His infinite grace.”

I don’t know about you, but I have a history of failure, and I need God’s grace for new beginnings more than I care to admit.  I need plenteous Redemption, His persistent Righteousness, and a realization of my highest purposes.  He will supply all of my needs, and I can be an instrument in the world to display His grace.

Happy New Year (to me)!

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